Conscious

 

I talked about how I start to be more conscious of it and how if I am not eating or watching tv no matter what else I am doing sometimes I just cry. I transmit some “if” during the session , is in those moments when she used to stop me and tell me ”that’s what you do, you back to the past or go to the uncertain future with your ”ifs” but here and now you lost someone that you really want, was inside of you and is not anymore. What ever you do or think is not about the father is not about the people surround you is not your environment; now is just you, who need to deal and pass through those feelings   If you need to cry , cry, now your hormones body and mind are not in a normal stage” but how are you gone to say goodbye.

Telling me all of this was little brutal on my head but makes all sense as I troubled into think about it with my “if” avoiding   into think in ”now” and for me “now “ means a ”lost” or ”grief”. My “if” means if I could change something I really couldn’t come back.