Las decisiones del pasado nos llevan a donde estamos hoy ,no se si existe la felicidad plena,y si existe creo que esta en la inocencia de la niñez.
No se si el ser mas sabio nos hace preocuparnos más o entender mejor ,o quiza ambas.

No quiero seguir un camino sin piedras pero si con alguien de quien agarrarme si me caigo y viceversa.
Quiero que alguien quiera quererme aun sabiendas de que no soy facil.Quiero querer sabiendo que estaran para mi.

Estoy cansada de que las puertas se cierren porque no quiero seguir abriendo nuevas para poder respirar

Nobody knows how many times i cry, not even myself.
I would like to know if my soul is dieing faster than my body.

Even when i get what i allways wanted, my mind says is impossible someone can love me for what i am.
I am not as strongest as he thinks but i know i am stronger that i bealive.
I am not so slim as they like or as big as other wants, i am so tired to feel i am allways so far to what is admire.
I am so tired to not be enought, so so tired.
I want just feel is ok for what i am.

Do you remember...

Do you remember when you hold my hand while sleeping?at the end i just tried touch yours softly to feel if you still feeling to want to take it again but you stopped to hold me.

Do you remember when you picked me from the airport giving me a surprice? i got the feel you didn t like me anymore just because i didn t feel confident enought with myself, i forgt the surprice to focus on the though you didnt like me anymore, even if i am still remember your gesture.

Do you remember when you extended your hand to help me to walk on the mountain in the same instant i took a picture of you looking at me, smiling?i deleted that picture even if was one the most beautiful i ever took.

Do yu remember when we played to see who was stronger and i allways tried to beat you even if was evidence you were more stronge.I can t do that anymore with anybody.

Do you remember when you started to drink and work the days we have both off, instead to see me, talk to me or touch me?

Do you remember...

I remember as good as bad but i  stil remember ...

Is allways one who love more than the other and that was me. And if that cost me to be death inside from the time you decided i wasn t worth it enought to you, worth it as i wouldn t like be the to kill someone from the inside.

I know i will be woth it... as i do in so many ways.

I miss to have someone to hug,cuddle, look in the eyes and smile.

I miss to feel that someone care about me, i miss that someone need me sometimes .I miss to talk,play,laught,kidding and be kidding to make me smile, i miss even to figh too.I miss to talk the trueth with someone, i miss to be answer when i ask without fear.I miss the sympathy to someone who want me. I miss to feel that someone else see some qualities that count to share.I miss to learn  new things, i miss to descovered someone , i miss to know someone and keep interested in keep wanting to know  more. 

I want someone who want me?

And the day he re appeard, i thought he needed me.We talked and my heart forget the sadness.Just when you realize he never want you, you die again and you just realize he stop to be the man that i idealize to be one more man.Then you question to yourself where gone the feel , if was it real of was idealitation, he never appear in your door just wait to kill you for the second time while he is full of joy.I ask, why? and i never knew...

Film"Lucky"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KLLkj84GAo&t=2s

"Lucky" a beautiful film to watch to make a reflexion about time.Because nowdays the philosophy of live day like it is the last make us be positive to the easy fast changes , and all is good until you realize you get old.
This film make you think about what the fear of getting older alone.And because with the fucking Apps to find the real love we become a society in which( i inlcuded to myself ) nobody fights for people, is easy to change with a click so wh, to  discuss , why to solve problems if you just can "click" and easy change the person.And day by day we get older without anybody next to us who took years to understand to make love with connection of a deep feeling for eachother, to no depper conversations , to no learning from eachother... and nobody thinks about the fear of face the hard times of life alone.Not just our own death; lost someone and be alone, missed people and be  alone, can t find the time to enjoy, and be  alone...Because nobody want to be  alone but we create a society where we are fucking alone.