And start now

The days pass by and I start to see more blood but my body stay still so is a kind of contradiction .In my head is like when is was real but is not anymore.

Now is when I think in all the women we were there. How they are managing? some of them were too young others have the support of their partners and others had already a big family but me…

I try to remember why I decided to do it and tell to my self I worth a healthy good love. I don’t permit to tell me what if had been my only chance in life , in 35 years never happened to me and once happened the person next to me show me the real him. The real that I felt from the beginning but I decided bealive him more than to myself.Never was a fairy tail but i decided worth the try i was convincing to myself the time spend in to court me i cover the negative thinking any man do this anymore but at taht time i didnt even know what he wants.

I walk through and what did i get?

There is no bad people just bad men and women.

Why I took the decision I never want to take.

 It is funny. I just realized how is life, even when I see the same scenario every days.

Here I am, sitting in the train, on my way home, there is a young girl with half of the face cover by the face mask we all must wear now days for this pandemic of Covid 19, but I can guess she is chewing a chewing gum , she is taking the opportunity of the safe distance to step her feet on top of her front seat.She looks like if the world was hers , no worries at least on this way she is taking to arrive to her destination. Two rows before is a woman sitting very calm looking in between to her phone and the window.

I am sitting in the couple of seats parallel  to the row where these ladies are sitting on.

Is not too many people in the car we are sitting and seems that is a normal day without anything special, then I realized if they maybe are suffering of problems, worries, hard situations, or is like we seems to see people who walks by, that is just passing by without thinking too much, just living the best they can.

I am still not very conscious of what I have just pass through, I though my life will end today but suddenly I felt kind of ok just thinking more in what these women sitting in the same train as me could be thinking about.