Vanish ilussion

 And there she was, opening a profile in a date app to try to find a littel bit of that piece of herself lost years ago.

She was unsure about if it will works as she was unsecure about her new body after become a mum ,unsure about how she was feeling about to meet a man, unsure  about if she will be able to trust as the last time she was with someone was a manipulative partner taking advantige of her.

Now she is a mum  without time for herself or support net around  but still wanted to figure it out how to meet someone to talk, to listen, to share.

And just like that started to play into the app , this one was different she did not know very well but all of the sudden"Paul" is a match!.How is this working?should she start the conversation?can he?"hello, is this a match? i am not sure how this works" she typed.And they started to chat.

Voice messages were sending over the days and soon it will be a day to meet  but two days before he never sent a  message not even answer to hers.But she kept a little hope into see him into that place, that day at that time.

She new deep in herself that he wont show up as last messages he sent mention about a broken van unable to go to anywhere but she loved that place so she took his son and went to the river.The time was getting closer but the son wanted to stop to find stones and insted to rushing him she decided to joying  as she new was unlikely to find Paul , there waiting for them.

She back home with some hope into find a message.But that evening she become hopeless.

She did not feel into chat with anybody her ilussion blow up into the air and she lost interest again.

He backed with the exgirlfriend or met someone else bbut stillwonder why she never received a message with an excuse.She delete her profile, delete de app and try to figure it out why she felt as she felt.She felt sad, even cry she felt in love with an ilussion?she knew that was stupid, she knew that Paul never become real .But she remember a voice with a welsh accent, his earth science studies, his birthday, his hobby into climb,his carpenter job...

She tried to find him, she opened the app again delte, delete, delete...hundreds of profile that in another circunstances she may stopped to take  a look but now they became insignifcan .With the desire of find him, she continued cross, cross, cross.... she changed her location, the age range ask on internet  b, his profile vanished.Become an obssesion.

She started to wonder why she felt like that, why even was acting like that but it was the first time in aroudn 8 years that she felt the attention of a man ,a man tha she liked.

And like spanish singer said"No hay nostalgia peor que añorar lo que nunca jamás sucedio"